The pictures were of these beautiful (to me at least) smoke stacks in town. I was driving by and thought the light was just right and decided to go ahead and snap some shots.

I was out there for about 10-15 minutes at the most. Around the time I was going to walk over and take a last shot of this peacock made out of flowers a cop car showed up, and from what I’d read on Boing Boing in the past about cops harrassing photogs I had a good idea of what to expect.

First there was one cop, officer Garcia. He opened with a general “why are you taking pictures,” and I explained that the smoke has this wonderful texture to it and I’m attracted to industrial looking buildings and structures, later referencing pictures I’d taken of abandoned buildings in Detroit. He talked about how in “this day and age” people get concerned when they see someone taking pictures of energy sources — and I thought, so that’s what it does!

Unfortunately, it was really really cold, and I accidentally put my hands in my pockets one too many times, which led the officer to frisk me. Yep, hands behind my back and legs spread apart, the real deal. All taking place along Neil street near that horrendously named new restaurant Buttitta’s. Maybe you saw me?

The officer didn’t like it when he found my iPhone set to record audio — oops. ( ^ _ ^ ) I told him it was for my own protection. Either way I didn’t do it right and the phone wasn’t recording anyway. He tried to tell me that it would have been illegal for me to be recording, and I’m familiar with the laws he was referring to, but it doesn’t apply to a public situation like that, especially where you’re talking to an officer, does it? I also found it odd when the officer started reading through my various little sets of notes and notebooks. That isn’t legal, is it?

Eventually two other cops showed up, one of whom repeated the line about “this day and age” and whether I understood why they stopped me, while the other amused me by asking if I was part of any ecological student groups on campus.

Overall, I didn’t mind. I’m pretty docile in those situations, and it felt like fieldwork more than anything else, where I was observing them as much as they were observing me. I tried not to be too creepy when I was taking my pictures, and it was right by a park of sorts with a sidewalk nearby, so I hadn’t been too concerned. But I wasn’t completely surprised when things went down the way they did.

After all that, I hope you like some of the pictures I took. I almost got arrested for them. Unfortunately, I never did get a shot of that peacock.

• The cashier at Taco Bell told me I look like George Lopez. I think it was my hat that did it.
• The Fall was such a mesmerizing film. Every scene felt dreamlike, as if it couldn’t actually have been shot. I was also tickled by Darwin’s reliance on Wallace, given the history it was referencing. Trailer:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO0LYcCoeJY

• “Helping others may be as primal a human pleasure as food or sex.” http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/17/opinion/17kristof.html
• I wish there was a Pride and Prejudice with Morrissey as Mr. Darcy.
• Funny Games sucked pretty bad. One of the most boring and annoying films I’ve ever seen.
• “The world is a cancer eating itself away.” – Henry Miller

• Helped Rachel move into her new place yesterday. Contemplated my robot body as I trudged back and forth in the snow. It sucked as much as moving sucks but no more. I think the relative calm of the affair bodes well.
• Even as a fan of John Waters and given my tolerance for weird, I can’t stop thinking about how strange the movie Desperate Living was, and it’s been a couple of days. Enjoyed being introduced to Liz Renay. “I sleep in the room next to you! Naked!”
• Crunk and grime, thats my bloodline.
• Listening to some great IDM by AOKI Takamasa. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ErAGGJdwCQ Reminds me of Dumb Type and makes me wish I could see it set to interpretive dance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZ5uGjjAvNI So beautiful.

• I’ve decided to maintain Twitter and Facebook as separate streams. I’m not sure what this means yet, but it does make things complicated.
• 1. It is a glorious day – my parents now have wireless broadband. 2. I don’t know why I love Taco Cabana so much, but I do. 3. Texas is a lot colder than you think. 4. Sherlock Holmes made me wish magic was real. This universe is boring.
• Just passed the huge cross in Effingham. Almost home. Not nearly as scary around here as I thought it would be. Texas was fun.

My thoughts come slowly
As my mind and body
Adjust to the world
After reading the rape story in Female Trouble
And listening to A Milli
Both on my iPhone

No, the Starbucks in Illinois are the same
But I think this one is a little different

Then we’re in the truck on the way home
Many hours have passed
More than I’d anticipated
But it’s no surprise
My father travels at an easy pace
He’s an overflowing spring of dawdle
That runs through my sister and I

We stop behind a yellow jeep
And I wonder if Rachel is still asleep
I feel bad for not leaving a note
But figure she would have called if she needed me

It’s past one when we get home
My mother’s asleep on the couch
And Rachel is still in bed
She’s just had a bad dream
And I give her a hug
And kiss her cheek

The main reason I changed was a desire to be able to participate in the dialogue about social media in the United States. This work also opens up projects that wouldn’t necessarily have been possible before, such as sharing photos and video of my research participants. Moreover it opens up the possibility of doing tech related service projects that run parallel to my work.

All along, though, I was experiencing anxiety about my project. Gay men in Japan are very private, and I worried about the ethics of shining light onto their hidden world. I also experienced a lot of resistance and hesitation from men I interacted with about participating in my research. In addition, I didn’t feel like I would ever reach the level of language ability that I would like to have for the kind of research I would like to do, such as having an intimate, if not embodied, knowledge of pop culture in the country where I am doing research.

One of the main reasons I experienced anxiety, though, had to do with my own sexuality. I had already been identifying as “mostly straight” for the past few years, but this became pronounced in the field. What I mean is that in this context I discovered just how terribly straight I am after all. I do think it’s possible to do research on Japanese gay men in Tokyo without being open to having sex, but I think it creates certain difficulties that cannot be ignored, especially when it comes to establishing relationships. Relatedly, I felt self-conscious about the fact that when I spent time in gay bars and struck up conversations with men, I was primarily interested in establishing a platonic friendship, while they were typically interested in a sexual and/or romantic relationship, which made me feel as if I was wasting and/or abusing their time.

So, that’s that. I’ve talked to my committee and my department, and they understand and are supportive. It was a tough decision after spending so many years on this project. As an indicator of how much it meant to me, after I dropped my Japanese class because I would no longer be needing it, I came home and bawled because of how much of a break this was with the community I had been becoming part of and the self that I had been creating.

It will be tough, though not as tough as my research in Japan, and for that, among other things, such as learning Spanish, I am terribly excited. My encounter with Latino anthropologists at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign made me aware of work I’d embarrassingly been unaware of before, and made me feel guilty after a while for not doing work on Latinos, so that is one other aspect of this new path.