Archive for the 'Diary' Category

Anti-American

From a conversation with a colleague:

Them: “What country are you from?”
Me: “Oh, I’m from the United States.”
Them: (Embarrassed) “Oh really? I thought you were from somewhere else. I’m sorry.”
Me: “No, that’s fine. I take it as a compliment.”

Kaja Silverman and Photography by Other Means

Jason: The Kaja thing lasted until about 6.
Kiril: was she good?
Jason: I thought it was pretty awesome.
Kiril: yea?
Jason: Can’t synthesize the awesomeness for you though.
Kiril: why not
Jason: Semiotics, photography, horror, grief…
Kiril: what was so cool
Jason: It’s just too much.
Jason: Haha too much work to synthesize dude. You just had to be there. Though, you can read the book when it comes out.
Kiril: haha
Kiril: well gimme a highlight then
Kiril: without synthesizing
Jason: This is who the talk was abt. http://www.gerhard-richter.com/art/paintings/
Jason: A highlight… blah. I decline.
Kiril: whatevs
Jason: http://criticism.english.uiuc.edu/2008%20Fall%20pages/Silverman/
Kiril: mm
Jason: Oh yeah… Kaja did say that she is no longer a post-structuralist.
Jason: She is a post-poststructuralist.
Kiril: hahaha
Kiril: what does that mean, structuralist?
Jason: Now she is oriented towards psychoanalytic phenomenology.
Kiril: what is a postpoststructuralist
Jason: Not entirely sure.

Nice, nize, nizzle.

Jason: I should start numbering the times that I say nice.
Jason: I wish there was an easy way to do it.
Angie: Why do you want to keep track?
Jason: Absurdity.
Angie: And what would you do with alternate spellings, like nize?
Jason: Yeah, that’s the difficulty.
Jason: I only do this to confound anyone that would try to go back and code my logs.
Jason: “Nice, okay. Wait… nize? Sigh, alright. WAITNIZZLE!? Fuck this. Fuck sociology. I give up. I quit.”
Angie: Haha.

That train stop on the way home in Dallas.

I don’t know why
but just now
I was reminded
of that train stop
on the way home
in Dallas
with the Taco Cabana
and the Chinese buffet
that I would get off at
now and then
on the way home
from work.

Dallas Seemed Lamer Now

I was going to write about how Dallas seemed lamer after some guests from Japan came to visit, but I figured out that it’s just lame for sightseeing.

They went to a lot of places that I wouldn’t have suggested, like downtown Dallas, The Old Red Museum, and The Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza.

Some of the places they chose were okay, like Mattito’s and the West End Historic District, and my one suggestion, Reunion Tower, would have been great if it hadn’t been closed for renovations.

But it was, and still is, hard for me to think of any places that would have been much better for them to visit. Other than the Nasher Sculpture Center, all I could really think of were malls, like the NorthPark Center or the Galleria.

I don’t think it helped that they really wanted to be able to go somewhere and mill about on foot, like people do in Tokyo, since places like that seem to be rare in the United States in general, much less Dallas. If it had been later in the day, then I suppose I could have taken them to Deep Ellum.

At first, as I said above, this lack of good sightseeing opportunities made Dallas seem lamer to me, until I remembered that it isn’t the sightseeing that makes me love Dallas, but the people, shops, clubs, restaurants, theaters, and museums that I know there.

So, Dallas might not be so great for sightseeing, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still a great place. Right?

Email kind of annoys me.

I hate how the sent messages are in a different folder. And I hate that you can’t edit the subject after you receive it.

I wish there was a view that would group your email like a conversation. Gmail does that sort of, but if anyone changes the subject, it breaks. And I would like it to treat all messages with a person that way.

Lame. Lame lame lame.

Audio Diary for 2008-08-03 - Adjusting to My Return from Tokyo

[audio:http://www.archive.org/download/2008-08-03Diary-AdjustingToMyReturnFromTokyo/2008-08-03Diary.mp3]

Click here to download.

My Tiny Obecalp Experience

I take diphenhydramine hydrochloride on a fairly regular basis to help me sleep.

Last night, as I sat at my computer chatting with friends and browsing my feeds, I yawned and thought to myself, “Ah, yes, there it goes.”

Then, when I woke up this afternoon, I noticed that my pills were still sitting next to the computer and that I hadn’t actually taken them at all.

That’s it.

(Here’s a post about Obecalp.)

My Re-Encounter With Phenomenology

I am glad to have re-discovered phenomenology. It appears that my theoretical and intellectual stance was informed more by phenomenology than I had initially realized. Though, given the implicit influence of phenomenology on prevailing French theorists such as Foucault and Bourdieu, it is unsurprising that I could fall in line with phenomenology without it being identified by name. (I did, however, have a course in phenomenology and existentialism as an undergraduate, so that is where I was initially influenced by the perspective, and I have implicitly recognized it as part of my theoretical and intellectual stance.)

In particular, I now understand that my concern with sensations, feelings, experience, embodiment, affect and emotion can be rooted in phenomenology as a foundation, starting point, and overarching umbrella for these concerns.

I can also now see how my interest in micro-logical phenomenological experiences has made it difficult for me to connect my work to “larger” theoretical concerns. For me this phenomenological plane has nearly comprised the entirety of the grounds for my theoretical concerns, and it has been satisfying simply to consider subjectivity in terms of the experiences that make up a particular subject position in an attempt to capture “what it feels like” to occupy and live through that position.

This is partially what has motivated my concern with developments in communications technology, where individuals’ lived experiences change into something new as these technologies become attached to them as subjects and come to bear on their experience of the world. A simple example of this can be found in the anxiety many individuals experience when they forget their cell phone at home and feel as if they are missing a piece of themself. Another example that is harder to place and substantiate is the ubiquitous appearance of search capabilities, captured best by Google, and the way it generates frustrations with existing technologies, such as printed books, because they do not offer the same search functionality. Yet more difficult to place is the effect, if any, that these search capabilities and other information management technologies have on the relations we have with others. For example, just as we hunt through pages of search results and refine our search terms only to settle on one of the results, while believing that there is still a better result out there, does this same logic come to bear on contemporary romantic endeavors, where the right person can be found if only we search harder and better without ever being satisfied with what we find because there must be something better out there?

I do understand now, however, that this phenomenological plane alone is not enough in itself to sustain a project, and so, one of my goals is to figure out how to bridge my phenomenological concerns into a “broader” project. This will be assisted by identifying examples where this has already been achieved so I can draw upon them as a model for my own work.